It was back when I was in tenth grade, we had to choose between Medical Sciences, Non-medical Sciences, Commerce and Humanities. I wanted to do something in the field of Psychology. From what I had gathered, I could have been a psychiatrists or a psychologist. And that’s what I presented my parents. To either let me take Humanities and pursue to become a psychologist (as I would already understand the basics, studying them in school) or let me take Medical Sciences and pursue to become a psychiatrist after my undergrad in Medical.
My parents wanted me to take up Non-medical Sciences, to pursue Computer Science Engineering as I was pretty good in Computer Science. I resisted, they countered back. I put an argument, they countered back. Their counters were not theirs, their counters were from the endless people they talked to about it. One day, my dad said they won’t allow me to take Psychology, and another day mom said Biology is not for me. I end up taking Non-medical Sciences.
I started hating my parents since then, for they considered anyone’s words more than mine. Over the past two years, they have continued to do so. My hatred has ever since just increased. I have become immune to their words and expectations now. I am at a point where I have given up everything related to studies. I used to love to study, learn new things, I don’t feel it anymore.
I never used to hate people, and now I do. I don’t want to but I do.
Adding to my hatred is that Non-medical Sciences in India are not taught in schools, they are taught in private college prep institutions. There is competition and no collaboration. We are taught to rip each other apart and move forward. I hate this. Indian education system could be the best education system in the world, given that it is implemented properly. We have all the subject options from the Education Board, but schools don’t offer all options. There are private college prep institutes all over India, where people who don’t even qualify as teachers teach for 10 times a normal school fees.
I want to connect to my parents properly, maybe they want to too, but it will never happen I know because they won’t leave all those people they listen to over me. I left faith in God too because of my parents. They were not like this, but they are. Maybe, I just did not see it before.
I am 3 months away from passing out my last year (twelfth grade) in school, and I regret getting into Non-medical Science. I don’t know how to move out of it now, there are ways but I don’t know how to make my parents agree to them. They fall back to Engineering every time I talk about something else. They say they would support my decision to take up subjects of my interest in college, but they fall back to Engineering. I don’t know what do. There were days I used to love uncertainty, now I hate it. My biggest misstep of my life.
One song I relate to the most about this is Qismat by Ammy Virk. It is a Punjabi song but here are some of the lyrics in English. Qismat badaldi vekhi main // I have seen fate change Ehhe jag badalda vekheya // I have seen the world change Main badalde vekhe apne // I have seen my close ones change Main Rabb badalda vekheya // I have seen even God change