This world. It is a harder way. To live, to breathe, to think, to feel, to even go to sleep without a whole junk in your mind. It is hard. Maybe our species was made for it, for the constant drama entertainment for the people watching from the sky. Or maybe we are entertainment for the upper self-centered people of this world. Yes, it does not matter what other people are talking. And yes, it is the hardest thing to learn that your dearest friend spread that rumour. It can’t be justified, but It can’t be ignored. Talk with your friend. Maybe as you say he was just jealous, maybe he interpreted it all in a wrong way, maybe he was actually playing it all to hurt. But we can always talk first. It is a harder way. It would be hard for him to confront you, not vice versa. It might be heard to listen. But if it all turns good in the end, you would be happy. Sometimes I really think that to live through this life, either I can play fearless or I can let it control me. Here, my fear is of hurting others. How can it control me? To not let others get hurt even if I get stabbed that too from behind. Too idealistic approach, I know. So, I like to talk after something happens. I would get hurt but I might save the other. Or it goes too bad, maybe eliminate the other from my life, not the world.
Do I believe in God? Not really like everyone does in India, but I do talk to him like a friend. Actually, saves me from thinking that I am talking to myself. But this post is not about that. For this post we are going to assume if not believe that God created the world. And when was creating this world he wrote a book or a program which contains an array of experiences. For simplification we will say he wrote a book. By the way, arrays are the simplest. But still. So okay God wrote a book of experiences. And I bet that the book is far more finite and small than we can ever think of. How can I say so? Things I experience, my friends do too. Things my friends experience, I do too. It can be rare, it can be frequent. Seven billion people on earth and I am able to share experiences with my friends. Guess how many people in the world would have experienced the same! What makes me believe in this more? Novels and movies! It is written in novels, it is shown in movies. What could even be the chances? I even think the feeling of relating to things is pretty much because God did not make enough experiences. Now I don’t say we blame him for this. He alone cannot do all the work. And no one can decide someone’s destiny, so I guess we can actually make new experiences. Maybe. Ohhhhh and you know the most common experience? Death.
fear of dreams //
night city glows over my feet //
restless but placid
For me things are not good or bad, right or wrong – they are happy or sad. And they are not happy or sad for a single person, they are for a majority group of people directly affected by that thing to be judged. Or evaluated – sounds more like grade system. Of course there are flaws, I know. But then I think there can be an exception for a single person too if his is the life most affected by the thing.
I knew him once for a very short while. We used to go to the same cricket academy. He was I think a year older than I am. I got to talk to him because his younger brother was my age. And of course two not-at-all good batsmen always interact, I interacted with his brother. His younger brother still lives in my neighbourhood with their mom and dad. But he is no more. He died two weeks back in a car accident. He was not driving, his friend was. They were going to their college’s fresher party. They were not drunk, they wore seatbelt. The car snagged and overturned. There were four in the car. He died. The other three cried for help but no one stopped to help them. I never had a connection with him. I had not even seen him in the past 5 years. But when I read this in the newspaper, it got me.